you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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