the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
