i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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