I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have tasted many bathrooms
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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