Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Are we still banned from the library?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
