She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
