I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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