after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
