mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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