these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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