I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
