Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
