well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize