Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
