You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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