So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
