This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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