Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
