he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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