she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
