Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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