So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
