also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
