I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
