The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
