brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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