Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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