he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
