loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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