i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize