I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize