so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
