How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
