Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
