i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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