he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
