I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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