38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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