Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I believe in your delicious
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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