i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize