It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
