Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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