There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
