Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The adults are the big ones right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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