In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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