I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize