i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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