1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize