He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize