There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
