New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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