He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
