Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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