I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
