Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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