a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
