i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
