I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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