So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
