Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
