I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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