Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
