Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
