I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
