You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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