You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
