I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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