Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
