I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize