rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
