i would punch a child for taco bell
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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