he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
