You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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