i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize