Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Man, jail baloney is awful.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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