I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
