Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
