What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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